Behind each eye

Today as I was reading the usual A year with Rumi book, I cheated, pop. I skipped June 19, 20, and 20 to peek at June 22, your birthday. I wanted to know what he writes for June 22. And I felt my eyes watering.

The poem entitled “Behind each eye”

Spring overall. But inside us
there is another unity.

Behind each eye
one glowing weather.

Every forest branch moves differently
in the breeze, but as they sway,
they connect at the roots.

I know you have moved on and I won’t be the one who holds you back.

Yet I also know you are always be here for me. Because we are always one. United. Connected at the roots. With you cheering at me. Praying. Glowing. With God’s love.

I miss you so much, especially at times like this. I love you. And wish you well.

Patience

[Bahasa Indonesia]
Have you ever gone out of a mall, looked at your parking ticket and found out that you have spent about three hours and ONE minute. Which means that we have to pay an extra hour for that one minute. Annoying (to me).

And on those times, my impatience shows its ugly face. So when I am in a certain mood, I would rush to ensure that I do not have to pay that extra minute. Unnecessary, I know.

So earlier tonight I deliberately train my patience. In the gym, I glanced at the clock, I knew it was going to be tight. So I consciously slowed down. I locked my locker carefully. I took my time in drying my hair.

There was an instance when I lost that rhythm. Suddenly when I was about to open my locker, I took the wrong key. I realised this and I returned to the rhythm. Aware.

The parking ticket was in my car key wallet and I deliberately did not even take a peek at it. I walked slowly to my car. Went down on the escalator and did not try to speed up my walk.

I got into my car and drove to the exit gate. Only when I was near to the gate, I took out the parking ticket and looked.

I went in at 19:44:53. I came out at 21:43:59.

God really does have great sense of humor.

“Sahabat”

[Bahasa Indonesia]
This is one of the things that I like about Indonesian language. There are several words we use when referring to friends. There are “teman”, “kawan”, and there is “sahabat”. Every Indonesian knows where the difference lies, although not most people probably have a hard time giving the exact definition.

But that is the way it is. We use the word “teman” very lightly. I want to you meet my “teman”. My high-school “teman”, my work “teman”, etc. But we use “sahabat” very carefully and selectively.

That was what happened to me recently. I was telling a “teman” (or “sahabat”?) about my “sahabat”. And she said, “You must be very close to them.”

Why, I asked. She said, “Because you seldom refer to a person as a “sahabat”.” Much less a group of people. I did not even realise that habit until that moment. That’s true.

But the ones whom I was telling her about were indeed my “sahabat”. My friends for more than fifteen years, who have seen all the changes that I have gone through, my ups and downs, and yet they have stuck around me all these years.

Those who just smile and give a “whatever” look when I am in one of those moods, when I decide to do something odd (which is probably more often that I want to admit).

Those whom I do not have to say anything to to know what is going on in my mind. Sometimes they just give me a pad in the back or just wrap their arms around me. Those who can leisurely say, “My God, you look ugly.”

The 91 girls. Here’s to a lifetime of rollercoaster ride, here’s to a life long friendship. Love you all to bits.

A Pilgrim for Life

[Bahasa Indonesia]
We continued talking about writing. This time it was about writing for our personal blog. You said, “Your writing in your previous blog while you were in Spain was very good. Why was that? Was it because of the ambiance?”

This got me curious. Yes, why is that? So I accessed my previous blog and started reading. It was a bit overwhelming, actually, to read the blog one more time. It brings back so many things in mind, or rather, in heart.

The most beautiful writing is when we write with our heart. And we cannot write with our heart unless we are in touch with it. That is why it was different then than it is now.

When I returned from Spain, I told a friend it was easy for me to feel in peace while I was in Spain. The challenge is to keep that sensation, that state of heart, in the bustling busy city of Jakarta, in the midst of all the deadlines at work and issues with families, friends and the country.

I told you (readers, visitors), that I felt like I am starting to write in a more contemplative mode again. I supposed that is my sanctuary. My escape when the soul is too tired of dealing with all the unnecessary things in life. When the signal to refocus is so strong.

Just like you said, whichever road we choose to travel, we will always encounter problems. Different problems, but there will always be problems. Challenges that we need to overcome to help us grow. No use of saying “if I had done this, I would have..”.

It is time to retreat to that state again, when I am in peace with myself, when I am in touch with my heart. And refocus myself to walk in my personal journey as a pilgrim for life.

This time it is a step tougher though. This time, we do this in the midst of the bustling busy city of Jakarta, complete with all the deadlines at work and issues with families, friends and the problems faced by the country.

As my yoga teacher once said as we end our yoga session with the savasana (corpse pose), “as you open your eyes and end this session, try to maintain the savasana within you.”

I look forward to the time when I come to the realization, as another teacher said, that there will be a time when we do not seek solution for our problem anymore. Because life is one major solution on itself.

On writing

[Bahasa Indonesia]
It is funny to listen, to see you getting so excited over writing. Not funny, funny. But funny, happy. The kind of funny that brings a smile on my face and in my heart.

I too share the same passion. To express myself in writing. Whenever I have a writer’s block when writing for my work, I always write in my blog first, to get the creative juice going. Whenever I feel sad or upset, I too write.

But my way of writing is very different from yours, or any other people for that matter. Some people write serious stuff, political etc. Some write in a cynical way. Some write in a very poetic way. In an innocent child kind of way. My writing is very straight forward.

I supposed you can learn a lot from a person’s written work. Not just from what he or she writes, but also from how he or she writes it.

My writing? Straight forward. Yet sometimes full of symbols. Paradoxical.

Reunion, deunion

[Bahasa Indonesia]
It is sad how reunion sometimes do not do justice for its true meaning: to come together again so as to be connected or to come into close association or relationship.

Some reunions even causes the oppositve things. The committee for the reunion argues endlessly with one another over small matters when preparing the reunion.

This happens even when a group of people get together for a good cause. (speaking from a rather personal experience.) Even with good intension in mind and an abundance of knowledge on spirituality (whatever that means), we can end up with endless arguments, resentments and negativities.

Then re-union becomes de-union. Unfortunate. Unnecessary. Sad.

First impression. Last impression.

[Bahasa Indonesia]
We talked about first impression. Last impression. I supposed it is a topic close to our heart, (professional heart that is, if there is such thing) since we are in communications field.

People often talked about the importance of first impression. To me last impression is just as important.

Last impression is more complicated than first impression though. Because is the sum of all the impression people gather from the first time they met us until the very last minute.

It is probably an impression closer to the truth as well. Again, since it is the sum of all our actions and words, whose control has gotten looser as we are unable to keep our true personalities hidden.

It is the lingering impression people keep in their head and most probably tell other people about. We all know how poisonous grape-vine can be.

An actor is only as good as his last film. A writer is only as good as her last book.

.staying cryptic.

A fulfilling breakfast

[Bahasa Indonesia]
I had breakfast with a dear friend last Saturday for about two and a half hours. It was one of those times when I felt time passed by. Yet I have carried so many memories from that chat.

She is my friend. Mentor. Sister. Yet the proudest role she has ever played in her life time, I am one hundred percent sure, has nothing to do with me. It is to be the mother of a child. A very lucky child.

When she writes in her blog, you would understand what Judy Ford meant in her book “Wonderful ways to love a child” when she said, “While laughing with your child, you will take a peek at heaven.”

And, to quote from that beautiful book one more time, I know she will smile her distinctive smile, when I say that “parenting is a two way street: as you take the child by the hand, they will take you by the heart.”

This and the four subsequent threads were based on our conversation. Happy Birthday.

Contemplative

[Bahasa Indonesia]
I have just realized that my recent threads have gotten back to being very contemplative and idealistic.

I wonder what it means. I have a hunch, but I am not ready to share it.

Happy independence day

[Bahasa Indonesia]
Today Indonesia is celebrating the 62nd anniversary of its independence day. I was trying to find the right picture for this thread.

My choice goes to the picture below, showing the double badminton players from Indonesia: hendra Gunawan and Joko Riyadi during the current World Championship in Malaysia.

The picture was taken from a Kompas Cyber Media article titled “Pebulutangkis Indonesia Terus Melaju.” – Indonesian badminton players keep advancing. Look at the single-minded-ness, the fighting spirit and the determination obviously reflected on their face.

But more than that, it is how I feel, and wish, about my country and my people: that we keep advancing. I am tired of people complaining about the state of the country. It is time to change our frame of mind and be more optimistic, constructive, and active.

Just like what the T-shirt I saw in the shopping mall today said: “You have to be the change that you want to see.” Spot on.

Start doing something. Anything.