Hey sadness, it’s you again.
I hope I am calling you by your true name. Forgive me if I am not, and tell me what it is.
Anyway, this time you seem to be staying a bit longer than usual, knocking on my door more persistently, pacing back and forth making that clunking noise at the room upstairs. I hear you. Perhaps it is time for us to have a chat.
I have posted this before. I am posting it now. I shall post it again. Until forever.
We were conversing, the three of us. Me and two friends whom I respect very much. We chatted about a way of being, in particular, according to Syekh Siti Jenar.
Questions were coming my way, demanding my immediate response. So immediate that I felt I had no choice but to answer them intuitively. I could only say whatever came to me at that moment; to let them flow with practically no filter. There was no time to think.
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There are times when we are just in such a seemingly dark place. We don’t know how to get out. Or whether getting out is the way to go at all. We feel stuck in that place. Thoughts just swirl and swirl, stirring unsettling emotions–and more thoughts–along with them.
We might escape those thoughts for a while. But there is always something to remind us of them, again. And again. And again.
I kept thinking how to say what I want to say beautifully
Carving thoughts into words
Hoping it would get my heart across
Occasionally, however, Truth seems to run out of patience
It takes over the limelight
Mom,
Every day in a year, you always have something to celebrate
You always have someone else to care for
As your sweet way to give thanks to God
You celebrate somebody’s birthdays
Be it your children, grandchildren, or friends
You celebrate our anniversaries
You celebrate our returning home from journeys
Our recovering from illness
Every little step we take
You care for us when, well, whenever
I remember you used to wait until the small hours
For our safe return home from our nights out
You stay up all night (and day too) when we’re ill
Cook our family’s favorite dishes the only way you can
whenever you have the chance
Never once you complain or raise your voice
Always with a smile
and prayer under your breath, I notice
Everyday in every year
There is always someone else for you
to celebrate or care for
Today is different
Today it is us who celebrate you
And please let us care for you
Show you how much we love you
Today your children, grandchildren, relatives, and friends
All of us, we shall gather to wish you the happiest birthday
We will sing, chat, dance, eat, and laugh
For your sake
You, who have made us feel loved and loved some more
I really hope you can feel the love and warmth
that you have been radiating
Reflecting back at you
A glimpse of what you mean to us
It’s gonna be awesome!
I have a confession
The last time we went to our hometown
As we visited our forefathers’ final resting places
I sat before your mom and dad’s graves, Mom
And I whispered to them,
“Thank you for giving me such a beautiful, wonderful mother.”
Happy 80th birthday, Mom
May God always bless you
As He has truly blessed me with you, and more
chipping in 