Monthly Archives: May 2010

All that I need

[Bahasa Indonesia]
I have to go back and forth KL for the next couple of years because of my Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy.

Last time round, I decided to stay at YMCA Kuala Lumpur. Now I have a confession to make: I adore comfy places. When it comes to accommodation, this usually translates into squeeky clean place, fresh air, clean sheet, fluffly pillow and sofa, nice ambiance room etc etc. You get the picture.

So after a long day of travel from Jakarta to KL, I must admit I was not, um, that excited about the room. It was not bad, but…

The next day a friend asked me how my room was. I could not remember my verbatim response, but I did express that I I was not jumping joyfully up and down over it. Then out of nowhere, I said, “I have all I need.”

Honestly, that statement of mine stopped me. “I have all that I need.”

My God, I truly have all that I need.

post script: And that included the free wi-fi comfy coffee shop across the road. Ha ha. A true indulgence. You know me so well!

Sweating the small stuff

[Bahasa Indonesia]

“My miracle is that when I feel hungry I eat, and when I feel thirsty I drink.” ~Bankei

I did not even remember when or even whether I saw this quote. A friend said that I told her about this a while back. It must have been important because I was reminded about it again. I have even received a mug from my previous project to ensure that I would not forget.

You see, I have never been big on so called spiritual experience. When I meditate, for instance, I do not experience what is commonly perceived as great meditation experiences such as light, color, the feel of flying, getting big or very small etc (yet?).

Now I realize this: that my miracle is everyday life. That life itself is a miracle. It is a miracle that when I feel hungry I eat, and when I feel thirsty I drink.

And the very fact that we are I am able to do all these things without even thinking about them much is a great blessing. So by all means, do sweat the small stuff.

No hesitation. Got it

[Bahasa Indonesia]
It is early evening and the pavement is wet due to rain. I am walking from the train station to my hostel when I see a visually impaired middle-age lady walking before me. She is alone, with her walking stick.

I mull over whether I should help her walk along the pavement or whether it would be better to let her be with herself. I hesitate.

A familiar feeling. This is the second time it has happened today.

Earlier today, I ggot on a bus and thought the steps were extremely high for the likes of senior citizens or people with weak knee. I sat and saw a senior lady got on the bus. She was obviously struggling.

I kept watching her and wondered whether she would make it. Should I help? I asked myself. I was a bit far, at the other end of the bus and there were quite a number of people between her and me. I decided not to move a muscle.

The lady almost fell down. She grabbed whatever she could grab in panic. The people behind her managed to catch her and helped her up.

Fast forward to now: me still walking on the pavement before the visually impaired lady.

Again, I hesitate. Then suddenly a younger woman walk pass me and without a slight hint of hesitation she takes the lady’s hand and walk with her, chatting happily. They are strangers. Well, were. They are strangers no more.

They part ways after crossing the road. They exchange a gesture of gratitude and bid farewell. Just like that. Life goes on for everybody.

I cannot help but smile. Yes, I see. No hesitation. Just follow the hunch.

I keep walking behind the visually impaired lady. She walks rather slowly. I pass her by but somehow I cannot help but keep looking back. I want to make sure that she is all right.

Another crossroad. The lady is struggling. The signs on the pavement for the visually impaired are not exactly the clearest in the world. It seems that there have been a lot of roadwork that have muddled the sign post.

Ah. She banged her head on the road sign just by the crossroad.

That very moment, I immediately return to her and offer my hand and help her across the road. Just like that. We part ways soon after.
Again, I cannot help but smile. Yes, I see. No hesitation. Just follow the hunch.

Picture taken from here.

“Oh you’re doing fine”

[Bahasa Indonesia]

I was sitting quietly in a Paramadina class a couple of weeks ago. We were discussing Prophet Moses and how God has reassured Moses that He was the Most High, despite Pharaoh’s claim that he (Pharaoh) was his most high lord.

A strange sense of relief suddenly washed through me. I must have been in quite a constricted space, more so than I cared to acknowledge.

Somehow the conversation was saying to me: everything is okay. I might not be doing so well by some people’s standard—most likely including mine, but God has His own standard and a special plan for me. And He was telling me: you are doing just fine.

Occasionally, we have moments of insecurity, uncertainty of where we are, how we are doing and what we are to do about things. That night was probably one of my moments.

Fortunately, because of the ‘education’ that I have gone through, when those moments come, I see this as an invitation or a reminder to stop, be still and listen. Even for a minute.

When I stop and listen, I remember that it is okay to feel such insecurities. This does not mean that I need to stay in that space. But to feel okay about feeling whatever I am feeling allows me to accept things and most importantly myself. Like a child knowing that her mother would always accept (and love) her no matter what. Acceptance is my first step.

When I stop and listen, I remember that I am loved for what I am. Life keep insisting on giving us little hints about this and we often take it for granted.

The very space that is given to me to stop and listen is a potent sign of Love. That discussion at Paramadina was a gentle nudge by my precious ever so playful God to me—reminding me of how He is there for me every step of the way. Such warmth that magnificent sense of Love puts in my heart. Such huge smile it puts on my face.

After that, I am ready to move on to the next step, but to where? Now, I might be the last person to know where I need to go next. I do not know.

I know I need to move on from this state because such is the way of life: full of motion. Each of us has a built-in propeller that helps keep us in motion. It is called Desire. It is that natural urge or tendency towards a thing, whatever that thing may be.

And when I stop and listen, I remember that it is Him—call Him God, Love, Light, Universal Wisdom, or whatever you want—whom I desire.

When I stop and listen, I realise I do not have to do anything.

I am setting my intention to Him and let life takes its course.

First picture was taken from here. The second was a personal collection.

Where is health?

[Bahasa Indonesia]
It is unusual to ask where health is since often people refer to health as a condition in general. But when I further thought about it, people use the word healthy to refer to condition of either a specific part of our body or the body as a whole. Here lies the clue about where health actually resides: it is everywhere.

Health is present in every part of our body. It is like human DNA, or even more delicate and smaller. Each cell of the body, every level of our body knows what health is. The very definition of health is well imprinted in us. It is part of our essence. For as long as a human being is alive (or any creature for that matter), we always have health, one way or the other.

Hence, ‘being sick’ is by no means the same as having no health at all. What we often call being sick is a lack of expression of health. That is, health is still here—or there—in potential, in its latent mode, but did not find its way to fully express or manifest itself for our lament eyes to see.

From this point of view, healing would mean giving ways for health to express itself at its own pace. Once the permission is given—and health knows if and when the permission has been given—health would arise to the surface, although the process might not happen in a single instant.

This approach is a more positive, kinder, and wiser one to the body. We start with the certainty and knowledge that health is there, giving our subconscious mind a more optimistic, truer view of life. We let health to take its course, allowing the natural flow of Life to happen.

Furthermore, I’d like to think that health is even finer and less rigid than a physical DNA. It flows so subtly throughout our physical body and beyond. At the same time, it knows very well the borders that determine our physical, emotional and spiritual body. Health is part of a more universal Health, a Universal Essence. We are all inter-connected and in reality one.

The challenge for us—or rather, for me—is two fold. Firstly, I need to take this new understanding of health to my heart and to really apply this new understanding. Secondly, I need to practice witnessing (or acknowledging or even embracing) the presence of health in my body or others and allowing health to express itself at its own pace.

This is my current response to the question “where is health?” I suspect that once I am more adept in listening to our body, I can feel the presence of health even stronger and notice various behaviors of health in different parts of the body at particular conditions—understanding the messages it is trying to convey to me, for me to respond accordingly.

Originally written as part of the home study exercises for the Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy Training at Body Intelligence.

Picture taken from here.